vendredi 14 avril 2017

Hector's Dandelion Yellow

This poem is dedicated to all retired Crayola Colors and to Derek Walcott’s epic work, Omeros.

Paris took Helen and 
Hector couldn't color Helen
He was trying to get on the list of impresarios  
That included 

Ancaeus, Blanirus, Clytius, Meriones, Nireus, Phidippus and Thoas
All wishing to impress the most beautiful maiden ever 
They were in the Act of showing off their exploits

Wielding swords and chains with the lightness of a bird's plumage
But Hector wasn't dupe
Using his favorite crayon he stroked the lines of her perfect face on his French Canson paper

He took a deep breath, rubbing his beard as if it were 
There forever 
Knowing that his colouring kit and even his olive Trojan soap dish were subjects of foretold retirement  

(Agamemnon hated these colors and readied his army to eliminate 
Purple Mountain Majesty, Macaroni and Cheese and Jungle green)
But it was Dandelion Yellow, the color often he used
A color he proudly wore encrusted under his fingernails
That Hector would die for
Knowing only dandelion could represent Helen's sumptuous hair!

When he dueled Ajax to a stalemate
A fight before their armies that lasted longer than a filibuster 
Recognising the fierceness of his opponent under the last of the sun's rays 
He lent Ajax his favorite color yellow

But Ajax, his skin still shining with sweat
Took it as a gift, calling Hector an Indian Giver and 
Offered Hector a box of Yellow Inchworm 
The latest of Crayola's colors in return.

At first the soldiers rejoiced cheering as Hector held the new
Yellow high in the air with a puzzled face
It was said even Zeus descended from the sky and

Held a large portrait of Big Bird
Knowing it was Hector's intention to offer it to Helen

For her to color in

But Hector needed to know and

Striking the crayon on his skin for a test
His ensuing grimace was so large it eclipsed the sun and the moon and

Witnesses retold how darkness descended beyond Dante's lowest circle of
Then, a furious scream resounded over the land and the sea

"My yellow-ow-ow" wailed Hector to the astonishment of the armies
Spitting out his gum and unsheathing his sword
"This yellow will not do, I want Dandelion back!"

But Ajax, knowing his advantage
turned and declared Hector unworthy

Helen in dismay, was said to shed many a tear as the Greeks regrouped for another battle.
And Achilles was summoned by Agamemnon 

Without his faithful crayon
Hector's strength was tapped, sapped and ebbed
Wasted like an un-recycled beer can

It was time for Achilles to get into the fray 
Hector was fearless and unfeeling
He took the inchworm yellow in his left hand

But Achilles mortally wounded him before he could do 
His last visions were of frisbees and yo-yos
2000 years before their invention
"Would these be retired too?" he thought he heard Helen whisper in his ear.

With Hector dead Achilles dragged Helen with such force
His Generals compared him to an 
Elephant  Vacuum cleaner

Still, Helen spat at his face
Achilles then dropped her before a crowd to get stoned
When Menelaus arrived stumbling after a rough night
He drank two hand-crafted chocolate fizzios from Starbucks
To ready him for his divine deed to execute Helen
Menelaus raised his sword but Helen dropped her robe
And seeing such stunning beauty he catapulted her to Sparta to marry and be merry.

jeudi 16 février 2017

Versoix III

by Jamesola Langola Jamesola
honoring William Carlos Williams

There are no water
In Versoix
Only train tracks
Siding a lake
Screeching verses with
Ohs and Ahs
In the shadow of the Chocolate factory
Unimpressed and impressed at
The same time

mercredi 15 février 2017

Radiant Elephant Minutes, February 15, 2017

Good evening Elephanteers ! To make Reality great again we have decided to start this evening with a story of “Capitain” James Cook, who died 288 years ago on February l4, l779.

But before we listen to this real past event, I wish to share a dream I had the other night: I was in Venice, carrying an ancient Etruscan vase, and my job was to water the plants in the streets. Yes this was an interesting, satisfying job except for the cumbersome and delicate vase, but it was real, that is to say the dream was real! Was it related to Valentine’s Day? Or the overflow at the Oroville Dam in California that necessitated the use of emergency spillway for the first time since its conception to avoid flooding after 5 years of drought and 6 weeks of rain. No matter. The point is that we can bring back reality also by dreaming!

Back to our Captain Cook, he is well known for his 3 Pacific voyages through uncharted waters that he undertook on the HM BArk Endeavor are well recorded. What is less known is that he was the 2nd of 8 children of James Cook, a farm laborer from Ednam in Roxburghshire and his mother, Grace Pace, was from Thonaby-on –Tees in Yorkshire where they lived. Legend has it that Grace cooked a wicked fruity Brack cake that the owners at the Dog and Gun Inn often ordered from her. Now young James the 2nd(James had an older brother James and a sister followed by two younger James brothers and so on) hated nothing more than his mother’s fruit cake. His mother forced him to knead the dough for months on end and James would do this looking out a small window with a view of the sea. Historians speculate that it was at this tender age that James’ desire for adventure developed but his younger brother hid a drawing that his older brother had made depicting a fruitcake with an X slashed over it. Art historians, on the other hand, cite this as early inspiration for Jean Michel Basquiat’s graffiti paintings, for it is well known that Jean Michel, discovered by Andy Warhol, was a fan of Captain Cook.

Introduce Art Historian and examine the 2 historical works.

To make a long story short, Mr Walker, who was a Quaker preacher, noted in his confessional journal that young Cook at the age of 9 he swore that he would leave house as far as the eye could see and never return because he abhorred fruitcake.

*Why does Cook’s  signature have two full loops in it ? He learned to sign his name on a ship ! (J M Basquiat signs with loops too. Ate Fruit Loops)

Staying with the same subject of great travellers let’s talk about Patricia Hurst, who in l974 was abducted by the Symbionese Liberation Army and some months later most famously took part in an armed bank robbery that was filmed by security cameras. Patty, the grand daughter of William Randolph Hurst of the Hurst publishing empire, apparently fell under the Stockholm syndrome by falling in love with Willie Wolfe. She nevertheless was caught and went to jail (most of the members of the SLA died in a fire) and she was pardoned by Clinton in the 90’s.
Hearst has moved on and today travels extensively as a professional dog trainer. She flies her dogs in her private jet and recenty with Tuggy and Rubi, she has won prizes, most recently, at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show wearing a striped top and black pants.
At the show, before  the judge made her final decision, Hearst Shaw jumped to her feet. She just knew. Tuggy won best of breed, and Rubi took runner-up honors as best of opposite sex.

But it wasn't enough for her. She pulled out an AK47 and pointing at the Judges said "Don't call me Patty, call me Tania (her former SLA name). I want to walk on the air right now and for me to do that you better give Rubi best life-time achievement award! There's no reason they should fall short of your bullshit standards!”

Needless to say the judges acquiesced and Mrs Hearst, wearing her striped top and black pants, proudly walked down the runway with her French Bulldogs to the applause and cheers of thousands of onlookers.

And now to move on to speak about a little about Ivanka and her products who flashed Prime Minister Trudeau followed by 2 short poems on Versoix inspired by Jarmush’s film Paterson.

Collection of Versoix Poems, 2017

This is Just to Say by William Carlos Williams

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

This isn't just to say by James Lang James

I have eaten 
The KFC 
That was
in the fridge

I know
Were probably saving it for

Beg your pardon 
They was yummy
Creamy Ranch
So Ranchy

Collection of Versoix poems, 2017

The Red Wheelbarrow
William Carlos Williams, 1883 - 1963
so much depends
a red wheel
glazed with rain
beside the white
The White Bus Stop
James Lang James 1901-
So much is on
Come on
A white bus stop
Sprinkled  in  dieseled chicken
In front of
 the closed Migros

samedi 11 février 2017

New line of Ivanka Trumka products

Ivanka Trumpka line of new products will be shortly available. Order them directly from the White House.

1. Ivanka Rockity Rocking Chair

This wonderful model is designed for its user to see alternate realities.
Whether on your front porch, your living room or your office, the IRRC XM17, 
designed with rapid action high technology functions will whip your visual spectrum from 
the floor to the ceiling or the stars in .005 seconds. Not sure the Big Dipper has 7 or 17 stars? Still wondering if 2 + 2 = 5? Have no more doubts for the mere price of $10,800.

2. Ivanka Me your Honorika Voodoo Judge

This life size hand made doll from the finest Austrian felt from Styria (Arnold Schwarenegger's home province), can be remodelled to resemble any Supreme Court Justice. It comes with authentic rags from all the Supreme Court judges and a list of favorite quotes that need to be recited whilst sticking its body with long needles. (Not included.) Use it to steer Supreme Court decisions your way. A steal at $10,800.

3. Eyevanka Eye-Wanderer Drops

This bottle of drops is finely elaborated from the extracts of fresh refugees from the banned 7 nations that our government in 2017 has decreed. It lets your eyes wander over bright shorelines without having to squint. It comes with a handy pre-programmed cell phone to call the Coast Guard when you've spotted that sinking refugee boat. $10,800

4. Ivanka Fly-Larva Kit

Tired of living in an insect-free environment due to over-spraying and overuse of pesticides? 
Tired of saying "Like fly shit in pepper" and nobody knowing what you're talking about?
Well it's time to Make America Fly Again with the Ivanka Fly-Larva kit!
Effective within hours, your house will be buzzing with life again using just one spoonful of our specially selected larva. (Some shoppers recommend purchasing this with our Colorado "High Lama", shipped from Colorado with 250 grams of pure THC, this combo is guaranteed to heighten your patriotic sensibilities.)
Recommended for children over 14. $10,800 for the combo kit. 

Free shipping available on all items purchased.