mardi 22 avril 2008

jacuzzi economy

In my Millennium XI, round and spacious bath, I use my 24 strategically placed hydrotherapy jets on my body two times a week. It's a complete body massage I've been enjoying thanks to the contours and the built-in lumbar support, raised seats and arm rests. My thermostatically controlled heater, Shiatsu-Pro neck and back jetting system, lets me immerse myself in extra deep and spacious bathing wells.

True, I am pampered head to toe with six to nine hydrotherapy jets strategically placed throughout the bath focusing on areas of stress and discomfort. But what I most appreciate is the underwater mood light that, with my desired bathing temperature,that has taken away the stressful kinks I used to feel after a days work.

Only after some years of $1000 a month water bills, I've decided instead of cutting down on my baths that I would economize: simple as a bee, I've filled empty milk and plastic containers and I place them in my Millennium XI. A little bubble bath and voila! even my friends don't notice them! Now I have found true happiness in the 21st century. Love ya!

dimanche 20 avril 2008

Honey bees and foreclosures

Honey bees, proliferating in zones where

building has come to and abrupt stop

are more apt in this economic downturn

to produce velvety honey than in boom times.

Studies show that honey beens can read

forclosure sale signs at a distance of 600 yards

Then a cloud descends on the structure to
colonise the area and produce honey.

Fortunately for Tom, a local bee professional, he has been rubbing his

tummy in recent months: on call smoking

out the bees (he nicknames Sub-bees) and kidnapping the queens

to work at his own honey farm is part of his daily chores.
A single man who lives

in a trailer (he pays his rent in honey), licking his sticky

fingers he says: "this activity has been eentense lately an haven't got much sleep.
True, this single life is fine with me for the moment

but I'm waiting the day I git stung by a woman, have a house

an' settle down."

The bees that were contacted for this article refused to comment.

mardi 8 avril 2008

The torch-bearer

I am an olympic torch-bearer

for years I practice my art

running in crowded shopping malls

turning sharp corners with the moves of

a rugby player

twisting, rolling, double-tracking like a rat

learning to be relaxed when thousands descend
on thee

I am an olympic torch-bearer

whose politics are unconfounded

In 2020 I ran in Kaboul in defiance of the protest to

liberate Alaska -the procession lasting only 32.77 seconds;

In 2024 while in Buenas Aires I lost 2 fingers to a

protester protesting the naming of New Macedonia

I earned the gold medal for running through a hostile crowd

of 15,600 in 2 minutes and 47 seconds.

In 2028 I may hang my shoes
and open a school to teach young torch-bearers
how to run!

dimanche 6 avril 2008

Not my mozarella!

My mozarella di buffalo has dioxin

-just a few particles they say

ingest less than a kilo a week and don't worry...

Hear I right? My favy-favorite white pristine

spongy and humid ultimate tomato partner

present over half a millenium

thy ultimate pizza partner

now, today, in 2008 put into question

for unsactimonious production practices

for over-mozarellaing

Begone! Shame! Off the shelves is what we hear crying

from consumer protectionists on red alert

But will millions of watering mouths heed

or pardon the land of Campana

that is now soiled, contaminated and blackened.

catepillar migration

The BBC reporter was investigating

trying to verify and authenicate

this latest phenomenon of mass migration:

the catepillar, long sedentary and amicable

fuzzy and squashable post-larval insect

was not only moving fast but in concert with

hundreds of comerads!

Where were they heading on this fedex destination?

Why were they leaving the country the reporter asked

and how did they muster the courage to take on such a journey?