mercredi 28 mai 2008

Green bombs



The latest storm these days is about making environmentally friendly explosives. In detail, researchers are workin on
Tiny bombs were made from two promising tetrazoles with the alphabet-soup names of HBT and G2ZT. These materials proved less apt to explode accidentally than conventional explosives.
After the bombs were detonated in the laboratory, G2ZT also proved as powerful than TNT, and HBT"and pollutes much less than TNT !
But the most promissing advances is from a laboratory in Wales were peat moss, compressed over a period of 6 months, becomes as dense and lethal as G2ZT or HBT.
"The results are astonishing" remarked Dr. Richmond, "one 500kilo Peat Bomb can take out all life within the perimeter of 2 football fields however within 2 weeks the ground is more fertile and ready for the most excellent baby potatoes, leek and all kinds of planting."

lundi 26 mai 2008

Frankenstein re-written


This is the famous scene where Frankenstein meets his monster. Had the story been written today Shelly would have perhaps been moved to modify her majestic glacier descriptions as I have done in blue.
It was nearly noon when I arrived at the top of the ascent. For some time I sat upon the rock that overlooks a few scraps of ice. A mist covered both that and the surrounding mountains. Presently a breeze dissipated the cloud, and I descended upon the glacier. The surface is very uneven, rising like the waves of a troubled sea, descending low, and interspersed by rifts that hardly sink deep at all. The field of ice is almost a half a league in width, but I spent nearly one hour in crossing it. The opposite mountain is a bare perpendicular rock. From the side where I now stood Montanvert was exactly opposite, at the distance of a league; and above it rose Mont Blanc, in awful majesty.
I remained in a recess of the rock, gazing on this wonderful and stupendous scene. The sea, or rather the minor river of ice, wound among its dependent mountains, whose aerial summits hung over its recesses. Their melting and glittering peaks shone in the sunlight over the clouds.
(…)
I suddenly beheld the figure of a man, at some distance, advancing towards me with superhuman speed. He bounded over the crevices in the ice, splashing in puddles, among which I had walked with caution; his stature, also, as he approached, seemed to exceed that of man. I was troubled: a mist came over my eyes, and I felt a faintness seize me; but I was quickly restored by the warm gale of the mountains. I perceived, as the shape came nearer (sight tremendous and abhorred!) that it was the wretch whom I had created. I trembled with rage and horror, resolving to wait his approach, and then close with him in mortal combat. He approached; his countenance bespoke bitter anguish, combined with disdain and malignity, while its unearthly ugliness rendered it almost too horrible for human eyes. But I scarcely observed this; rage and hatred had at first deprived me of utterance, and I recovered only to overwhelm him with words expressive of furious detestation and contempt.
"Devil," I exclaimed, "do you dare approach me? and do not you fear the fierce vengeance of my arm wreaked on your miserable head? Begone, vile insect! or rather, stay, that I may trample you to dust! and, oh! that I could, with the extinction of your miserable existence, restore those victims whom you have so diabolically murdered!" And then I heard a mosquito buzzing around my ear, and the wretched creature, sensing my irritation, stretched out its collosal arm attracting the bug to land. Whilst the blood sucker went to its chore the monster squeezed its skin exploding the mosquito towards the alpine heavens. "If you don’t make a female for me this is what I’ll do to you and your family" he grinned, as his feet slopped in the slushy ice.

lundi 19 mai 2008

Miniature garbage trucks


French sanitation engineers have gone on strike recently to protest the rising prices of gas. "More than half of profits are now lost at the pump" said Jean-Pierre de Rothchild, pronounced "Rothcheeld", a trash collector of over 20 years. New designers have fortunatly put their heads together to create the truck of the future. No larger than a fiat 500 it is projected to get over 100 miles per gallon compared to 5 of actual models. How will it take on tons of previous models? "through a direct inciniration feul conversion process coupled with a thermo-dynamo compressor these miniature trucks are beyond feul efficient" remarked Mr. Rothchild in a smoke-free cafe. We hope to see lots of them spinning down the streets soon.

samedi 17 mai 2008

Breaking habits

Attachable, snapable social creatures we are
enamoured with Habit and Habit with us;
nevertheless, breaking scientific news has it that
switching to a new radio station, tying your shoelaces with the other hand and changing expressions when you meet someone will extend your lifespan.
Unbelieving? Brushing one's teeth at unusaul hours - allocated irregular saleries to your children may sound rash and lunatic but Dr. Sam Skittertopolis of the University of Reinzek states otherwise: "Getting out of the sedentary is what life is all about. Neurons are like slippers and unless you change them they get worn out." Still, at a conference for Habits and Dynamics a participant questioned whether zapping had finally found a medical role. "If you zap everyday, said the Doctor, holding on to his chin, " that too is a habit! It seems we must disconnect, feel the loss, and only then will pathogens pave a new hybrid highway."

lundi 12 mai 2008

How I gave my cashmire jacket to my rent a dog

Born in a generation whose grandmother stored her used tea-bags in the fridge for
weeks on end
The day came when after 22 years of most happy use
(New York clubbing and life on a short fuse)
my favorite plaid cashmire jacket expired!
Ohhhh, I tried to save it: I sought out a most talented seamstress
and gaited in her atelier with bulging wallet
but after careful examination of the inside out
a 'nay' verdict was extolled.
Home I went flat and wobble-footed
sapped of courage -to dispose to waste to trash this jacket
such a step was offset or suspended in Time
so for weeks it stayed at the bottom of my laundry hamper.
One day having rented a cocker named Rocky
I layed rugside on my back
The Rock came to investigate
This underside view offered ears flapping and
eyes bloodshot, a meal perhaps in mind
Eurika! I bolted to the edge of the universe
reaching deep into the hamper I pulled out my jacket
and draped it over the canine's velvet bed.
Was it time for a solar eclipse? I hesitated and
went to clean the windows.

mercredi 7 mai 2008

The battery*


For want of a battery
a remote control was lost
For the want of an ipod
an earplug was lost
For the want of an USB
a computer was lost
For the want of an Austin Martin
a driver was lost
For the want of a Dictator
A democracy was lost
And all for the want of a AAA battery!
*Inspired from a 19th cent. nursury rhyme

Liquid indecision


Sometimes when I can't decide
it's easier to push things aside;
clunking and thumping they may go
bowling down the alley below.
I wish a decision could be made
like the knife is to the spade
rolly-polly my mind wavers
in the shopping world it's high stakers
I walk alone blitzed by labels
my pupils plucked
my neurons fucked
to buy or buy not, a butt ended purpose;
to opt not or cop, a dazzeling circus!
Like a pregnant woman my caddy smiles as it fills
and the landscape left by my passage
bespeaks the mental anguish
that shopping entails.