mardi 23 septembre 2008

My battery went dead and so did Time

It can happen like that!
It can happen to anybody
A moment of distraction or inattention and
You leave your car beeping
The lights on
The radio clanging
And when you return to slip your key in the ignition
You are confronted by a deadening sound: nothing

It is not as if your battery had been stolen
-which in New York happens more that often to the point
where I put my picture on my car's battery with thumb print and chain;

It is a yearly event to some or a ritual that hurls one into a panic
Seeking jumper cables and someone with the grace of heart who
will be willing to give you that JUMP!

And so on September l7th almost a year to the day of my last dead incident
it happened: my new-used Citroen Picasso wouldn't start.

At first with confidence I made my way to find cables and a colleague who had already helped me last year. But then upon opening the hood the trouble began: there was no battery! No it wasn't a case it being stolen but of a French engineer who somehow had the idea of not placing the battery near the engine. Still I tried with an impulse that was almost genetically traced to connect the cables to what might appear to be a plus (+) or minus (-) symbol.
To my surprise the cables sent fiery sparks into the air but I insisted with 19th century Frankenstienien ardor, wanting, insisting to create and transfer LIFE to my CAR! But when the cables began to melt down a hideous thought became me that was too late -for I didn't check the owners manual and now it would be seconds that my new old car would be a fireball.

By some miracle, now we were four surrounding the hood, a light-footed lady suggested to clip a wire to a most uncommon appendage, and vroooooom, the car started.

It started and my joy was beyond the summits of the Mer de Glace but then horror became me: the entire computer system went back to it's birth: January 5 1999. How could this be? My life was contorted to face the truth of that day.

And so, on a partly cloudy 73 degree cloudless sky, when the G3 Apple Towers went translucent 2 years before 9/11

When Jupiter did the twist with large cloud systems rotating, due to the collision of two oval hurricanes,

When a Sumu competition in Atlantic City was canceled and people fretted over the dawn of the Millenium,

When a 1200 sq foot Lower East Side apartment was sublet for $l675,
And a photo of Pinochet was published on his way to a London court

It was also time for another confrontation with the senate impeachment trails of President Clinton for perjury and obstruction of justice,
"We have a constitutional duty here, it's a very serious one, it's one that we must carry forward, and we will do our very best to do that duty in the proper way ... (as) God gives us the light to see that way," said Lott, a Mississippi Republican

It was four days after the Euro was introduced and seven days before Britney Spears released her debut album and that day a French law that forbade vegetable oil from being recycled without a receipt -don't talk about smokeless bars yet! was enacted.

And we saw 6 $300,000 missiles were fired at Iraqi war planes that flew into the 'no fly zone' below the 33rd parallel and all of them missed.

As well as the new 'Manual of Indulgences' or Enchiridion Indulgentiarum is a hardcover English edition of the 1999 Enchiridion Indulgentiarum published by the Holy See.

That punishment or the vestiges of sin may remain to be expiated or cleansed and that they in fact frequently do even after the remission of guilt(8) is clearly demonstrated by the doctrine on purgatory. In purgatory, in fact, the souls of those "who died in the charity of God and truly repentant, but before satisfying with worthy fruits of penance for sins committed and for omissions (9) are cleansed after death with purgatorial punishments

On the 5th of January l999 deputy Mayor Gillooly presented the Employee-of-the-Quarter plaque to Mr. Joyce, along with a watch and a second plaque which will be on display in City Hall. He expressed his appreciation and congratulations to Mr. Joyce for his efforts.

And a Mexican inspired candy bar arrived on the shelves of an Arizona 7-11.

dimanche 21 septembre 2008

Wanted Texting

Presented as the ultimate in
hand-held communication with
64 chord speakers dual 3d stereo ear buds and
multi sensor touch keys to name a few

It's hand feeling comes in chrome, gold and
designer finishes galore
Cell phones and text-o's
Are never fearing with lines of endless subscribers
paying through their ass
And saying:

lol! ;-)

Now wanted this miniature hardware -ok soft too
Is responsible for thousands of senseless deaths
For people walking into cars
Cars running into trains
And trains crashing into trains

Sheriffs and deputies are out
looking and listening for a tra-la-la SMS signal
during an open heart surgery
or in kitchens while a father flips a French toast
to avert even more fatalities

Putting in jail the SMS is a national priority
putting an end to once bursting talking texts
insipid or not
the danger
deemed by the office of Homeland Security
was too much.

mardi 16 septembre 2008

Trader Crackers

When cracker-barrel talk over 3.2 billion dollars of pledges to
avert collapsing loans due to spiraling real estate prices and
long term capital management needing refinancing to make up for
depreciation became so loud that nobody could hear each other

We wonder why is it that sub-prime lenders offering no money down to buy
million dollar neo-colonials
(It's true, why should a bank question a client's credit rating if he or she
has his eyes on a 17 room 9 bedroom 3 bathroom estate?)

Which in turn drives up prices, interest rates, hedge funds and those ever so sturdy
benchmark marks when the market goes for the $Big Dip$
Ok, it's time to take a breath amidst the electronic billions that are colliding and
jetsoned to all corners of the universe with the click of a mouse
But suddenly the investors leave the market and go for and extended incognito
crack brained and crack downed
Now the market's sinking 2.96%
Some are tapping their last lines of credit
others are quick-stepping to their banks to withdraw their savings or what's left
Still short term investors on a lunch break
exhibit that volatile dislocation smirk
While a veteran sandwich preparer wonders
"what does this mean for my 401K and what does this mean
for my wife's retirement fund?"
"Pull it out, pull out!" yells an extenuated floor trader in a clinging white shirt
bracing cell phone, blackberry, and two leafy orders in his trembling hands
"Getting out, getting it back" yells another just beside

So for you over 60 the news of a collapsed market only translates into a couple more years
of work and
a sizeable cut -a 20 footer instead of 60- regarding that pleasure craft that you were planning to buy for that
sunny, untainted, day.

samedi 13 septembre 2008

Fur caddy

Alas a fur caddy! For years during cold, winter months I felt stark naked with my nylon patchwork shopping buddy, but thanks to innovative designers whether in Kiev, Stockholm or Anchorage I and my potatoes, lettuce and onions will feel most comfortable; in line and in touch with our surroundings.

jeudi 11 septembre 2008

The lost and found department

Le Bureau des Objets Trouvés or The Lost and Found Department

There is a room in every city where people go to find their lost ones
Within four large walls there lies an offering to tempt one's luck
Keys, umbrellas, suitcases, phones and nick-nacks unbeknownst
from head to toe -a stuffed duck watch-dogging the room
And within these walls appear hundreds of woeful, concentrated and persistent faces
some panicking, some reaching deep into their pockets
all walking like on a high wire at the circus
A door shuts, through a window a ray ponders an object;
the wind makes some keys jingle
A lady walks in with another sack of goods to label

Outside people go about their business
and inside, one by one we ask:
'How was each loss birthed?'
-A hole in a bag
-A momentary distraction
- A broken habit leading to a new resolution?
One by one these shuffling bodies depart
A few with heads up
Others holding a little paper with hopeful bliss that
One day
it will be found...
In the meantime the Department of Lost and Found
relishes in its chimes and smells from all lives and continents around.

mercredi 10 septembre 2008

The Crack

Expansive insulation
thermic foam
seeking out unconventional air-hidden cranies
and going through a molecular dance
where new hardened foam will
expand 39 times its size.
Not lightly nor without forethought
did I trustingly and confidently inject (using masculine
resources I suppose),
My heart was so full of hope that all sonic echo would be eliminated
those horrid bouncing sound waves that kept me awake at nights
constant thumping emerging from our heavy heeled upstairs biped neighbor
No matter, I thought, this isothermal molecular expansive foam was about to put
an end to all that thumping
And so blindly and almost with a stomachy chuckle did I inject.

The following morning
after a deep slumber
quiet as the desert and peaceful as a baby's sleep
I awoke to the sight of a swollen bump
-a bump with a crack to be precise
My ceiling had gone pregnant and now
intoxicating foam cells were having a party on an
expansive mission to no end!
What to do? How to react?
The Crack stood in front of my fixed retina
Proud, unabashed, daring.
What to do? Eliminate it? Call it a Tate crack and call it the day?
Or make it into a sculpture - a giant pig's belly with a coin coming out of it or
just another whale...
My instinct was weak yet finally I reached for chisel and hammer and decided to
unbump it.
Under the influence of a Sienese painting, 'The birth of the Virgin' by Pietro Lorenzetti
where Mary looks ever so comfortable and relaxed on her big, checkered bed

I worked away, fearing not the black hole experiment that was soon to take place at the Cern and swallow all of humanity up, to paint l3th century silence rays that would silence all impact once and for all! The work went well, but the evening of the final execution 4 U-haul trucks parked at our door and with great anxiety I awaited to see if the heel-stomping family would depart. Yet even worse, I imagined that they were to be replaced by a fluttering tip-toeing ballet family!
That night each hour I awoke in a silent sweat knowing, not knowing, that my insulation odyssey could land me with a Penelope saying in a Brooklyn accent: "So vay did ya botha with all that?"

jeudi 4 septembre 2008

Tooth and Cheese

At 48
I checked into my dentist who
ripped, pushed and popped
my wisdom tooth out
Just like that -I had no time to see
or say goodbye to a loyal servant
So with a mouthful of blood
I made way to my supermarket to replace an ink cartridge
that had stopped inking
Adjacent to the cheese department it was
I had to walk by a cherubic headseted animator
A demo-guy with voice booming over thousands of square meters
Chuckling and smiling and small-stepping like a welterweight
He approached and offered me his 'fromage du jour'
Fruity aged a full 60 days or l/l68th of my departed tooth
I had a compelling choice on a large plateau
I smiled with red tongue and murmured 'dentiste'
And he retreated his offer as if tooth and cheese could never be one.