lundi 20 octobre 2008

Alternative transportation

There is good news on the horizon: taking from technology of the 1670's when Francis Lama thought up the use of copper vacuum balloons, Alitalia, which has been in a financial turmoil has decided to sell it's fleet and buy into an old form of air transport.

These vacuum balloons with a few modifications are capable of transporting sizable freight such as bananas which are resistant fruits

or animals that have trouble migrating to parts of the planet that are over urbanized.

In case of a major incident an escape hatch is available for people that will allow all passengers to survive.

The Alitalia Flyng Ship will be equipped with the latest in recycling technology such as ice boxes, composting toilets and recycled ziplocks -for an extra charge.
Flights will not be equipped with movies but courses on subjects such as "What to do when your spouse is emitting gases?" or "Carborexic? 10 steps to joy and satisfaction" will be offered.

jeudi 16 octobre 2008

Mandela Rabbits

On Robben Island where Nelson Mandela spent years of his life in prison, thousands of brown rabbits have been congregating to protest the presence of black and white rabbits on the mainland.

The rabbits are threatened by local authorities because their pellets are seen as a denigration to the historical site where Mandela delved in law books and ate some of the very lepus capensis in question.
A rabbitspeaker remained intransigent: "those black and white rabbits are eating all our carrots and making dens in the most fertile soil. We want equal rights to the land now and not later!"
Calls to speakers of the black and white rabbit colony were left unanswered.

jeudi 9 octobre 2008

Honey Time

With the subject of foreclosure again buzzing in our ears some creative inner city kids have stormed to creating an activity that is popping across state lines: the making of honey! Today whether you are in L.A.'s South Central, Watts or in Detroit's Brightmoor district you can savor the quality of inner-city Honey. The following is a list of 10 brands that made our review, however we are looking forward to receiving new candidacies especially from abandoned housing areas where bees are now proliferating.

l. Sure Shot Honey -an untwisted, honed honey appreciated by Toy Cops and timers up north that goes with the tuff. Despite a slight tar and rubber aftertaste this blend tells the truth like no other.

2. Assed Out all Flowers Honey - A honey whose taste will catch you by surprise, l00% hood.

3. Scrub'n Scratch Honey -Rich in cardboard nutrients and traces of colorful graffiti. A honey for athletes looking for a natural boost.

4. Ak Eucaliptus 47 -A honey with a cool, smooth metal taste, loaded with G-train antioxidants and antimicrobial properties.

5. Bum-Rush Honey -Made exclusively in abandoned lots and with bees benefiting from the elements of crashed parties, this clockin' punchy honey has an elaborated taste.

7. Phat Parley Pops Honey -A waxy yet deep tasting honey that is quick to digest before the cops arrive.

8. Krunky Honey -A good time honey whether you're on a mission or a newjack on the street you'll appreciate this brand that you can't xerox: an original!

9. Crackin' Crab Honey -A honey with attitude and a cold knock feel to be respected; a unique blend from Bed Stuy and Watts.

10. Ace Honey -This honey's amazing stickyness will protect your back, keep your stomach flat and fight off intruding bacteria. A honey well worth its price!

samedi 4 octobre 2008

Ice Cube Donnations

The experiment at the CERN, which was supposed to give us insight and understanding on how the universe originally formed, was a short lasting success. Particle beams were launched at speeds nearing that of light (or OJ Simpson running from the police) and a telltale bleep was detected on a screen after traveling the 27km underground centrifuge in .95 nanoseconds.

However, a few days later a rise in temperature (the Hadron collider's magnets need to operate at near absolute zero or 272°C or 458°F° -the Cern facility is the largest fridge in the world and it gets so cold down there penguins are specially trained to install and repair equipment), shutting it down. The picture below shows a Cern penguin being decorated for its contribution to Science.

At present the project is halted because the city of Geneva refuses to allow Cern to use all its energy. We are therefore making a public call for ice cubes in the hope that if enough is donated to fill the 27km Hadron tunnel, this experiment may resume and the origin of our universe finally be understood.

Home Heating

With concern of rising feul prices home owners are opting more and more for a novel way to heat their habitacle: stuffed solar powered buffalos. Buffalos, by their mere stature and furryness, already offer warmth to the eye of even the most frivolous bipeds and now thanks to a new company called Solarbuff, one buffalo can heat between 500 and 700 sq feet of space. A truely new approach? Not really, as it turns out in some areas buffalos have been heating abodes for centuries. Archeological remains in Montana show that these creatures were filled with coal and the smoke would come out of their mouths and ears. "No longer suffer and pay high feul bills" says Bill Barney, a Solarbuff rep, "one buffalo heater in the living room and your children will be romping in a warm, ecological environment for years to come."