jeudi 16 juillet 2009

Leaf blowers




I blow day in day out
swinging my hose like an elephant
of 42 years
If those in the cool gym pay little eye to my shuffle
tis my rumbling load of 50lbs –a delicate tortilla chip under the bar to bench
 Still reassured am I for aerobic damsels appreciate a cleared brick walkway
all year round.
But some I've heard complain
When my roaring engine climbs to the 34th floor penthouse 
as easy as a soaring bird
And once not hearing
I blew into a fellow blowing colleague
a spiraling leaf stuck onto my sticky chin
and my aftershave osmosed into it.

My blower and I are close –even my kidneys have adapted to the vibrations
I have taken it with me to restaurants
and museums
(at the MOMA I blew beside Rembrandts and Monets, the depiction of fertile soiled
foregrounds stimulated me to the point that my hose knocked over a lady)
I have blown the peaks of Mont Blanc and the Everest
As well as the highest dune in the Sahara.
 After some time I learned to blow blueberries on my pancake
and my children enjoy how quickly I can cool their hot broth for diner
or send a bowling ball down the lane
One day I wish is to blow a thread through a needle!
Nevertheless, after all these years of ex-suction (you guessed, my youth was mired
as an office vacuum cleaner), it are the 32 acres of my Condo complex
That inspires me to blow, blow hard, and blow best.

mardi 14 juillet 2009

Lucky Charms

As I eat me Lucky Charms, 12 howling coppers scream flashing
from slurp to marshmallow chew
my pupils follow from my nesting point
a 16 floor high-rise Miami condo
A helicopter swoops into the search
Evil is somewhere
amongst shopping strips and car washes
I am feeling "magically delicious"
RDA fulfilled and skin creamed plastered
Immune to the Sun
July is cool and chillin

samedi 13 juin 2009

Hanging

It's one week I've been left hanging
what was to be an imminent answer
unlike a soaring eagle or condor,
it's hanging with uncertainty
in limbo
awaiting
that what lies around the corner and cannot yet be seen!

I met a friend who is hanging too
dots in her brain that nobody knows if they were there before
-or not
she's got to hang for chemistry or time to do its job
and wake up everyday with a doubt
that cannot be erased
in the stillness of a waiting room

There is no antidote over prostrate thinking
but to skate over it
if not hurdle
while moving on.

samedi 18 avril 2009

Break

Sorry fans but I'm working on a thesis paper -it's as easy as milking fish!
I hope to be back by September.

mercredi 11 mars 2009

A plane full of monkeys

As a plane full of monkeys made for the skies to witness the last printing of
the Italian paper l'Unita, one of their favorite reads,
researchers were asking how such a large number of
primates could board and fly together without being disruptive and mocking
federal aviation guidelines. Anthropologists were aiming theories whether the chimps may develop and endo or exo-cannabalistic tendency on board based on digs from the 11th century where a large mass of bones were found with no vertebra. The premise to be made is that all these little bones were sucked dry for their marrow. A new theory of this has been named "malaxo-cannibalism" that is eating one's own just for the chewy pleasure.

At the same time, in France, Arlette Laguiller, better known as Arlette, was declaring the
rebirth of communism in the face of Total's firing of some 500 employees despite its
14 + billion dollar profit for 2008.
And so to face this economic crises all means or measures are open or closed: Ghandi's glasses
were auctioned off so its owner could benefit of a few years of bowls of peaceful rice.


Yet in such hard times despite there being less and less to do these days the French are spending more and more nights sleepless (on average they are down to 6 hours and 58 minutes (which means in a century they will be sleeping 4 hours and 36 minutes)) . In America sleeping is steady but eating habits has gone from the l4inch sandwich to the one footer, indicating a change in eating trends.
And maybe this will all be fine except that the Russians have replaced the Americans as the first heroin users
-Americans are more drawn to shooting arms these days than horses- and the Russians are shooting for their new status where money is squandered and only dancing and singing still hold the platform.

mardi 3 mars 2009

Solar upturns




Since President Obama's using the web like no other President, and we can now participate virtually in a democracy that builds on responsibility and self-esteem,
I didn't hesitate to send to this carbon-low administration my suggestion to power
the White House with solar energy
-just as long as they put my name to the credit of it


And in his address to the government Obama rightly questioned why is it that Germany out does America in clean energy while we here at home cook up and innovate only to close down our legendary car institutions.

This is a 2009 version of an electrically powered Trabant

And so America can be looked at like a beautiful girl chained to a radiator
Waiting vainly perhaps for a plucked Prometheus to come about and save her!
Her struggling IS a waste of energy and only China who, having bid a non-bid on the famous Emperor Qianlong bronze pig and rabbit heads once formerly owned by Yves Saint Laurent (but also by the French military that plucked them up from a site they burnt down)
is the only country that may rescue our bumbling economy.


Yet economic growth and prosperity lies elsewhere.
For example in Gaza where just following an economic summit a number of countries have pledged over $3 billion. This time the rebuilding of this strategic and special city -to avoid an exodus of words let's just say it's a dense, Palestinian populated place where conflict has no rest-

will be done in such a way that the newly forged houses will incorporate special receptors so that
fighter planes will have an easier time targeting them and surgical operations will become commonplace if not non-surgical. The rebuilding of the sites once bombed, then bombed again only to be rebuilt will be an efficient way to stimulate a depressed housing market and the method may be exported outside of Gaza even in areas of non-conflict.

dimanche 22 février 2009

Troisieme sous-sol

As we flock to ski resorts in search of white fluff where we can expedite our hips in
swerving directions, the dire task -before negotiating slopes and frenzied down hillers-
is to find a lodging. And so clicking with confidence I found the reasonable find, 10 snowmen from the chairlift with a recycling pit for clear, brown and green glass nearby.
Size did not matter since we knew it had 4 beds but a surprise sent a snowflake down our spines when we saw it had no real windows! This charming studio we rented turned out to be a 3rd floor underground with the boiler above us churning to heat the entire post-card chalet. So astutely designed it did provide the most magnificent view of a sunflowerin full bloom under a halogen lamp. For 7 days and 7 nights a message of hope and lightness of spring countered the rudeness of winter, the laden roofs that threatened passersby and even those enjoying a drink or a bite seemed miles away.


But maybe the real story was my recent discovery of diclofenac, a wondrous cream that I could rub into my jolly arthritic knee; enabling my body to take to the slopes in a non-truculent fashion, down the darkest, black escarpments, challenging the parabolic paradigm of two boards on two legs!

Indeed, everyday I rubbed and smeared that white substance of envy, and boldly gaited to a fair chairlift to take me up heaven's way,



Until one day I learned with disgrace that my arthritic intermezzo was at the cost of an expiring species: the vulture. It was simple: having leafed through the "unpleasant effects" of the above mentioned molecule, it appears that for those who choose to depart this world on a Tower of Silence, where the body is lain to be naturally devoured by vultures, these later

mentioned creatures of the sky are plummeting stone dead due to this molecule that attacks their livers. Nay, nay! to such a cream that disrespecteth the ritual of the dead;



and so I hang my boards and switch on the TV to watch an avalanche of bad news and dwindling economies, except for a lucky few such as Nestle, who, against all odds, are selling more chocolate in 2009 than ever before.

lundi 9 février 2009

Peanut Highway to Heaven


Since the salmonella outbreak has contaminated the American food chain and millions of peanut products and by-products are being recalled, one Arizona road builder has come up with the idea of using it in their asphalt. Tests show that that adherence, especially in wet weather is increased threefold compared to conventional asphalt topping. Although some drivers find the khaki hue off-putting, Arizona-phalt says that these "peanut-ways" will revolutionize the highway system and thanks to their pleasant odor birds keep them cleaner than traditional highways.

To attest to this enthusiasm a former peanut worker from Georgia was quoted to say "I love working for Arizona-phalt. Back in Georgia I had to follow 79 rules, 79 steps before I could even put my foot in the production line. Now it's just one step: show up to work and push that barrel that creams the butter right into the tar. I feel good about myself, I feel good about America,and" waving his extended hand, "I'm taking that salmonella crap out of the system."
Arizona workers preparing to smear peanut butter onto highway 66

dimanche 8 février 2009

Postal reforms


In this day and age of tough times and far-reaching reforms, President Obama has announced to go further than the state of Utah's 4 day a week federal employee program. Citing that "we are entering an age of necessity" postal workers will now be asked to work a 24 hour shift, one day a week. Postal employees will be encouraged to do exercise on their days off to deal with the heavy loads that they will be faced to carry. Studies are on they way to increase mailbox size which would creat 20 million jobs over a period of 10 years.
The reform is meant to save millions and millions, from infrastructure usage to energy savings to shoes that will need to be replaced less often. Customer and employee satisfaction will increase because people will appreciate more getting their mail (bills will get paid at a later date) and dogs will be less stressed attacking intruders. "I have a lot more time at home" said Joe the postman, "people now look at me with a different eye, like I really mean something to them" he added, while peeling a pound of carrots for a soup. Although the police has, for the moment, been exempted from such reforms, legislators are looking at ways to go to 4 days a week since crime on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays is very slow.

mardi 3 février 2009

The jalapeno draft-buster

The giant jalapeno ebbed its way (by itself) towards the door.
There it would take its sacred place, a place were few currents have known to pass
and benefiting from its pungent, firey soul

block all cold air that may fit under the door!



But this giant jalapeno as it turns, isn't only destined to warm a house or apartment:
due to the uniqueness of its size, shape and ardour,





Frigid couples who have had years of icey drafts settle between them
have been grabbing them up by the thousands to replace marriage counselors
And though such success should catapult the jalapeno door mat
to Star porportions
dangers abound for
when not watching, either in the early or late of day
this tender svelt pouting pillowed prankster
will not hesitate to trip a homeowner or tenant
and falleth he or she may down the cold abyss of a stairwell
All warm affection is short circuited
and pain descends into the bones.

samedi 31 janvier 2009

Walden III


Summer
Needless to say my affection for the parking lot grew during the summer. True one was more aware of certain odors emanating from the trash but on the upside the buzz of life, both human and animal, made it exciting. During my experiment I would pick lost coupons either on the asphalt or in the caddies. This provided me with an extra income that was satisfactory and I judged politically correct. But in July I could actually make money on the coupons!
On the lst I found:
$1 off on dandruff shampoo
50 cents of on 3 razors
$1 off with the purchase of diet coke
$1 with the purchase of 6 bottles of milk
$1 off on a new strawberry banana grapefruit juice
$ 1 off on 6 family sized chicken dogs
50 cents off on a bag of pretzels
$1 off on extra-strength dishwasher soap
50 cents off on concentrated instant soup
50 cents off on a 12 pack of sugarless chewing gum
50 cents off on antibacterial toothpaste
and $2 off with the purchase of 6lbs of chuck steak

for a total of $10.50

On July 5th, my findings weren't so great but my heart was lifted by a $l.75 coupon for the purchase of an acrylic cover. Just the night before my blanket burnt up during the 4th of July fireworks show and its replacement was critical.
On the 7th I ran into Carl Field, the owner of a big, red SUV.
He needed a quarter for his caddy and since I always had a pocket full I was glad to help him out. I accompanied him to the store (I had needed a bottle of mouthwash) and we had a long talk about self-sufficiency and recycling. When I poked at Carl for having a big car he questioned how he could possibly put 14 grocery bags into a compact sedan? "Even my kids are bugging me bout CFO's, NFO's and FFO's or whatever but I got a big family and it's my job to bring the chow home." I tried to mention planting carrots in his garden but by then he picked up his pace and raced his caddy onwards.

Walden III

Spring
Spring time finally came about but the month of April was extremely wet. It rained and rained on end and a phenomenon of relentless puddles produced caddy-pushing behavioral modifications that were quite astounding. Though most would go around the puddles some would ignore or take joy in going through them. The depth of the puddles was always at issue. One I named the "Great Puddle" appeared bottomless and it lasted from November to May due to a clogged storm drain.

In April when I measured it it spanned 31.2 yards by 24.6. At it's greatest depth, and this I measured with accuracy thanks to a GPS locater, was only 2.9 inches; not very deep but deep enough to overwhelm the sole of a Timberland Goodyear stitched boot. The following year the "Great Puddle" did freeze on January l6th, 2008. Children loved sliding over in every direction while the elderly struggled for balance. On the day of a power out -I had recorded 7 over the 2 year period- I witnessed the general manager come out with a team of helpers. This surprised me as I had rarely seen them leave the complex.

Yet there they were cutting out cubes of ice, steam puffing out of their noses, some piling them into caddies and hauling them away, most likely to the frozen meat section which was in a state of deep thaw.

mercredi 28 janvier 2009

Walden III

Winter
Winter was hard on the caddies and that's when they got most worn and rusty. Out of precaution I filled a caddy with covers to be sheltered from the chill and the winds from the Great Lakes.
The carts seems to move up and down the lot with much less speed compared to the fall, as if they had taken on extra weight and shoppers had more difficulty pushing them.
I especially felt sorry for the guys who were out there late in the day grouping all the caddies together into long train-like accordions and having to push them with all their might. One such caddy pusher was Vincent. He often whistled as he went about his work and he would tell me he preferred working outside, far from the speakers blaring out discounted merchandise every 5 minutes. Out on the lot, despite a strained back, Vincent found peace.

Walden III


I spent 2 years, 2 months and 2 days at a Walmart shopping center in Illinois. The experiment started on November 22nd 2007 and ended January 24th 2009. There are several experiences that I had which, in time, I would like to relate. To begin, I would like to speak about my perception of shopping carts through the 4 seasons.
Autumn 2007
In the late fall, when I started, the early dew hung on the shopping carts until the sun sleepily snuck out of the horizon. Often customers were caught by surprise by the wet handles and once, on a foggy morning I saw two shoppers collide with their caddies. Fortunately they were empty and nothing was lost. I thought it was special but it turned out that one of the unexpected things from living on a parking lot was all the entertainment from caddies with broken wheels which made shoppers struggle to guide them straight! Collisions happened often I developed a system to rate them but I had promised, that over the 2 years that I would never intervene. And so on a daily basis I witnessed crash after crash, sometimes people would crash their caddies into their own cars.

dimanche 18 janvier 2009

Inaugurations, birds and planes

It is said that a sincere, straightforward look of a maiden can generate so much turbulence
that if crossed in a pilot's cabin at 30,000 feet
she can bring the whole plane down.


And this, all at a time when the first Afro-American President is about to take office following in the steps of Lincoln!
Meanwhile, a bird in Washington D.C. -down for the inauguration
waits patiently in the icy weather for it's mate to arrive from New York
She waits, she waits but all she gathers is a feint wiff of

burnt bird coming from a northeasterly direction. It's present hunger on this cold, January day, despite the crowd and abundance of goodies, is drained. Nearby, a group of Chicago youths get off a bus and proceed to double dutch on the White House lawn.
The on looking bird flutters wings
preys for spirits aloft
And the Captain of the fallen plane, now home in a dry place, takes his washing machine for another spin to get Hudson river blotches out of his uniform.
The cycle is broken
Lincoln is smiling at Obama
and the country is smiling at him.

mardi 13 janvier 2009

The pipeline and the desert rat

While the well heated country of Ukraine repulsed the bitter Siberian cold
and street festivals abounded and people chuged down cool pavlovskis defying the frost



Gasprom's gas was somehow being abutted, the transit of the precious matter no longer reached the delta of Europe's customers causing
Shoppers in Marseille, unbeware and unsuspecting of such a non-delivery to be struck with bewilderment, flabbergasted by "snow flakes provencale"

Which got some to hit the streets taking air with skis or snowboards,
making a spectacle of the spectacle
landing not on olives but real white fluff!


Until international relations tensed; diplomats were called to find a solution to this hotly disputed pipeline. Finally a study panel revealed that a Ukranian desert rat was being
blocked
from his way to visit a well known Indian actress making her first appearance for a hand-sewn Ukranian clothing company. The result which

cut off the all important valve feeding precious gas to all of Europe.

Now the problem resolved, it is hoped that the Ukranian desert rat can escort the sexy Bipasha to her new hotel suite in Saint Petersburg, just a stones throw from the Hermitage
And future frozen scenarios can be avoided.